Saturday, 2 January 2016

Hap, hap, happy New Year!  - Internet Dating - Still on it!

The festivities are behind us now, thank the gods! Not a keen supporter of Christmas. Don't believe in Santa Claus and not a follower/believer in Jesus either. Don't have a problem with Christianity, per se, but religion is a private matter between a person and their chosen god/gods. Rather like having a penis, I'm delighted for you that you have one, I'm pleased that you're pleased you have one, but I would rather you didn't force it on me in any shape or form. (Unless of course, we've discussed it beforehand and agreed on a 'release' word - enough of that!)

Anyway, I'm still banging on about these internet dating sites. Damn it, it can't be difficult to take the basics and chuck up the candidates that fit the criteria, can it? Obviously, there's an art or science to it or I''m putting very complicated instructions down which are being interpreted as 'mixed messages'. (Apparently I was always doing that in the old relationship with the ex. I didn't realise that texting the message 'You spineless fuck' could be misinterpreted, but it did.) For example; your date should be: 5'11" - taller than 6'7", surely this means that the candidates need to be between 5'11" and infinity?? So why, why am I getting chaps as short as 5'1"??? Do they think that because the men request ladies between 4'7" and 6'1" weighing between 6 stone and 10 stone, yes, 10 stone at 6'1", that us women have no idea what 5'1" looks like? I know for a fact that most men have no idea what a 6'1" woman looks like who weighs 10 stone, especially as they include the fact that she can be 'a few extra pounds'! Where are these extra pounds? Oh, yes, silly me, in her purse of course! Height is a bloody issue for me. I'm very tall for a girl. I like to feel like a girl when out on a date, not like Princess bloody Fiona or someone out with their small son! I have nothing against shorter men, except my boobs in their face if we're in a crowded lift, but I want some height!

My second misinterpreted request is that my date should: have kids, and not want kids. Does that make sense to you? He should have had kids with someone else, I'm not bothered with whom, when, how or where, how old they are or if they live with him, with her or a mix of the two. I want him to see his children and give them care and love etc. This is so that he understands that children take time, energy, love and money, and that sometimes, dates, evenings out, evenings in, early nights etc, can be suddenly shunted off course due to the needs/wants of said children. BUT I do not want to have children with him in the future, and I don't want him to want to have children in the future. Why? Because we both ALREADY have some! Plus, I took myself to the vet and had myself spayed years ago when I realised that having babies was bad for your mental health, disrupted sleep and turned normal sized boobs into comic strip ones. It's not rocket science, it really isn't. Those are my two basic criteria. Height and kids. An added extra is the ability to read without a)moving your lips and b)using your index finger. Apart from that, I'll consider anything. No, really, I will. As long as he looks like the person in his profile picture.

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