Tuesday, 29 December 2015

Internet Dating - Part Two

Now, I know what some of you are thinking. "Six months without smoking and three STONE of weight put on??? (Fat cow!). Bet you didn't show that on YOUR profile pictures!" No, you're damn right I didn't! However, in my defense, your Honour, I did tell the ugly munter that I was hefting a load  around! I was upfront and honest. I do still have an hourglass figure, it just happens to be a bit of a bigger, more generous hourglass than it was! I also informed him that my hair was a different colour - isn't it always??? I got into hair colour quite late in life so I have thousands of treatments to try and change, before my hair turns to straw or falls out.

The whole issue of honesty comes rearing its ugly head on internet dating sites. The pictures for a bloody start. How old are they? Are they actually you? There should be more than one. They should be clear! Not fuzzy. I don't mind the odd pic that's obviously years old, as long as there's a recent one to show you how the aging process has changed the person. Have they aged well? Are they recognisable as themselves? Would their own mother be able to pick them out of a identikit book using the photo on their profile? If not, DON'T use it!

Obviously, we're all human and we all want to come across looking our best. We are, after all, trying to find a mate, even if we're no longer interested in procreating with this mate, we want to fancy them and be fancied in return, so we post good photos of ourselves, not the ones where we're off our tits drunk. Or asleep on the sofa after a huge roast, snoring our piggin' heads off and dribbling. Or the ones of us gurning. DO YOU SEE THIS DAVEYBOY62??? Not a good look! By all means, put your suit on, a clean shirt, have a shave or tidy up your beard, and...here comes the deal breaker, SMILE! Yes, gentlemen, smile at the camera, make the prospective love of your life see what a friendly, joyful, cheeky, happy chap you are. If I had a pound for every scowling, scary and furious looking man I have come across, I'd have £678. I've only been on it for 2 weeks.

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