Tuesday, 29 December 2015

Internet Dating - Blind Dating - Speed Dating - Any Dating - Gotta be Good, Right?

So, hi there. Here's the background so far...I'm 46, 6 foot tall, and quite a bit overweight, due to giving up smoking and regular sex (threw my DP out at the same time as the fags) about 6 months ago. Gave myself 6 months to get over the nicotine cravings without worrying about the additional weight that Mother Nature was going to bestow on me. That 6 months is now up. The bitch decided that 3 stone was a nice round number. So, here I am, a clean lunged, fat arsed, middle aged woman.

There are also issues regarding the ex. Many issues. Harder to give up than the fags - didn't sneak the odd smoke once the 'stop' day was done, but DID keep creeping back for a shag. NOT GOOD. Either for morale or self esteem. Let's just say, I could give 70% chocolate a run for its money regarding the bitter stakes! More like 85% plus. I feel contempt for myself for feeling this bitter. I keep telling myself to 'GET THE FUCK OVER IT!!' Yes, shouting at myself. Anyway, this episode is not about the ex, that mind-games player, two faced, forked tongued, lying, deceitful, disloyal, thoughtless, witless, brainless, dickless shit. No, it's about the next stage. Internet dating.

Yesterday, I went on a blind date. Blind, as in I had never seen the man before. Except in pictures on his profile. Now, two main points here. One, being blind would have been a wonderful advantage, as he was a prize munter! Looked nothing like the man in the photos. For starters, his eyes, which were sunken, watery and like slightly off eggs, didn't look in the same direction. One was looking at me, the other one was looking for me. I had to do a complete 'what a lovely present, you shouldn't have!' face, while thinking 'OMG, he's seen me and it's too late to jump back in the car and run away!' Rough, didn't do him justice. Dragged through a hedge, across a busy motorway, through a field or two, shaved by a blind man with a spoon and dressed via the catapult method, resulted in a man who looked disheveled, dirty and OLD!!! Secondly, what dark arts did he use to portray himself as trendy, fresh and good looking? Photoshop? Himself, but 15 years ago? Another person? I'm sorely tempted to contact Trading Standards and complain.

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